Parenting Expectations That Disappeared Fast Once I Had Kids

Parenting Expectations vs Reality What I Swore I Would Never Do

Before I had kids, I had thoughts. Big thoughts. Structured thoughts. Even a few judgmental ones. I’d sit in restaurants watching toddlers throw food or scream, and I’d smile politely while silently swearing to myself: My child will never do that.

Then I became a parent.

If you’re here because your own parenting expectations have gone completely off the rails, welcome to the club. I’m not writing this from a pedestal — I’m writing it from the couch, where I just let my kid eat goldfish out of a measuring cup because every bowl was dirty.

If you’re in the same season of chaos, you’ll relate to the 🤯 emotional rollercoaster that is bedtime with little ones — one of those areas where expectations crash fast.

Before Kids I Had Parenting All Figured Out

I truly believed I was going to be a calm, patient, always-prepared kind of mom. I’d read the baby books, I had a Pinterest board full of sensory activities, and I fully expected to manage tantrums with logic and love.

The reality? Half the time I’m managing tantrums with snacks and survival mode.

There’s something magical about how confident you feel before the parenting journey begins. And then the baby arrives, and you realize no amount of planning can fully prepare you for what real parenting is actually like — especially when you’re sleep-deprived and someone’s sticky hand is grabbing your face at 5am.

In fact, the early days hit me hardest. I shared more about that stage in 💛 our honest journey as first-time parents — where expectations and reality collided hard.

The Never Ever List I Swore By

Before I had kids, here were just a few things I promised I would never ever do:

– Let my child use screens at restaurants
– Yell
– Bribe them with snacks
– Let them walk around the house in just a diaper
– Say “because I said so”
– Make separate meals at dinnertime
– Use baby talk
– Give in just to stop the whining

And now? Let’s just say I’ve checked nearly every box on that list. I’ve handed my phone over just to make it through the grocery store. I’ve made mac and cheese while whispering please just eat this and stop throwing broccoli under my breath.

One day it hit me that these weren’t failures — they were adjustments. Just like I had to adjust when dealing with 🍽️ toddlers who emptied the toy box and walked away like it was no big deal — yep, expectations go out the window real fast.

And Then I Had Kids

Nothing humbles you faster than parenting.

I had no idea that one tiny human could be so opinionated about what color cup their milk is in. Or that I’d be having full-blown negotiations about why wearing pants is non-negotiable.

One of my favorite real moments: my toddler refused to eat cereal with a spoon. I fought it for three mornings until I finally gave in. There she sat, happy as can be, eating Cheerios with a fork — and you know what? She stopped whining.

That’s when I realized that parenting expectations are cute until you’re actually living it. Then, it’s about flexibility, love, and doing what works — even if it looks nothing like what you imagined.

It reminded me of a story I wrote about those 🤹 chaotic days where cereal, socks, and sanity all feel optional — because nothing goes how you expect.

Parenting Expectations vs Reality What I’ve Learned

Once the cereal fork moment happened, I started seeing all the little cracks in my parenting plan — and I realized that’s not a bad thing. Expectations are based on theory. Parenting is based on real, sticky, loud, beautiful chaos.

I used to think structure meant control. Now I know that structure means flexibility. Some days, the nap doesn’t happen. Some days, I hand over a snack bag just to get 10 quiet minutes. It’s not failure — it’s survival. It’s real life.

That shift helped me drop the guilt and embrace parenting for what it is. If you’ve ever reached for grace instead of perfection, you’ll probably connect with ❤️ the real joys and setbacks of early parenting — where nothing goes to plan but everything still matters.

The Beauty in Broken Expectations

Something surprising happened when I let go of the idea of being the “perfect parent.” I found more joy. More connection. More me in the process.

My kid didn’t need me to follow a Pinterest-perfect parenting script. They needed me to be present, emotionally available, and willing to admit that I don’t always have it figured out.

Letting go of old expectations made room for laughter during meltdowns, spontaneous dance parties in the living room, and quiet moments that didn’t feel rushed. It gave me space to embrace the kind of parent I actually am — not just the one I planned to be.

And when I get overwhelmed, I remind myself of this truth buried in 🧸 the chaos of raising wild little adventurers — the imperfections are often where the most beautiful parts of parenting hide.

Real Parenting Isn’t Picture Perfect and That’s OK

I used to scroll past polished Instagram posts and feel like I was doing it all wrong. Their kids wore coordinated outfits and smiled in family photos. Mine just ate a crayon and tried to flush a sock.

But here’s the thing: real parenting doesn’t happen in perfect squares. It happens in moments you can’t photograph — the exhausted hugs, the bedtime tears, the random goldfish crackers in your shoe.

So if your day doesn’t match the parenting highlight reel you once imagined, you’re not failing. You’re doing the work that matters — the unseen, underappreciated, absolutely powerful work of showing up for your child.

Honestly, that raw side of parenting reminds me of 🍽️ those bedtime conversations where we’re negotiating with toddlers over chicken nuggets and bathroom trips — real, messy, hilarious, and 100% human.

A Few “Before Kids / After Kids” Examples That Still Make Me Laugh

Sometimes it helps just to laugh at how far we’ve come — and how ridiculous our pre-parenting selves really were. So here are a few of my favorite personal shifts:

– Before kids: I’ll never yell
After kids: I just yelled “STOP LICKING THE WALL” for the third time

– Before kids: We’ll only eat organic
After kids: Today’s lunch was ketchup and a hotdog bun. No hotdog.

– Before kids: My kids won’t have screen time
After kids: Paw Patrol just bought me 20 minutes of silence. I’d die for that pup.

– Before kids: I’ll always be calm and collected
After kids: I cried because I stepped on slime barefoot at 6am

If you’ve had moments like these, you’ll probably also relate to 😅 that moment when the toy box is dumped and no one takes credit — because sometimes, all you can do is laugh.

Why Letting Go of Parenting Expectations Was the Best Thing I Ever Did

I had no idea how freeing it would feel to stop chasing the ideal and start living in the real. My kids don’t need perfection — they need me, showing up as I am, with love, laughter, and maybe a granola bar in my pocket.

When I finally let go of my rigid parenting expectations, I made space for connection, grace, and so much more joy. It’s not about lowering the bar — it’s about shifting your focus to what really matters.

If this hit home for you, check out 😴 our honest breakdown of how to survive bedtime meltdowns — because expectations may crumble, but your love never will.